The Dog's Diary: A Giant Mystery
by Natmonkey
Summary: Stubbs fights darkspawn and is baffled by a certain mysterious event that takes place near the camp fire.


_My, how productive I suddenly am. Ties in with AdF 15. For clarification: Tin Can - Alistair / Pointy Ears - Zevran / the lady - human female mage / the giant - Sten / the shiny animals - horses / Firefur - Oghren / angry female - Morrigan. Got any questions? PM me. I'll be happy to help.  
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><p>Pointy Ears and Tin Can were looking at the lady the whole time we were in the thingy. I don't know what it is called; we sit in it and then it moves. I love that thingy. So they were looking at her, the both of them. Tin Can secretly, Pointy Ears not so secretly. They want to mate with her. I can smell it. The lady wants it too. I can smell that as well. Humans are in heat all the time. How do they get anything done? The giant thinks they're stupid. I can tell. He has that look in his eye. He even said so himself. "How do you put up with these creatures?" the giant asked me. "You seem to be the most intelligent one in this group." When I said I love them, especially the lady, he growled. "Perhaps you are not as intelligent as I thought," said the giant. He can be very mean sometimes.<p>

We walk a lot and now we don't. I like it. Sometimes even a mabari wants to be lazy. I can just lie there and nibble on my chew. My delicious, delicious chew. Tin Can called it a 'bull's pizzle'. Then they laughed. I wonder what that is. Tasty, though. And smells so good! Mmm. We're not in the thingy now. Other beasts make it move. Large, strong animals. They are shiny. I think I'll go talk to them. "Hello!"

They shake their heads. "Who is that?" says the brown one. "I can't see you." Their eyes are covered.

"My name is Stubbs." I get a little closer, but they still can't see. "I'm a dog."

"Ah, so that is the unfamiliar smell," the white one says. "How nice of you to talk to us."

The brown one's ears twitch. "Yes, nobody else ever does that."

"That's no fun," I say. "You seem nice." They are so big and so shiny. One of the humans, almost as tall as the giant, always takes care of them. I think he loves them a lot. They wouldn't be so shiny if he didn't, I think.

"Thank you very much." The brown one makes a laughing noise. Funny. "You seem nice yourself."

"But what is that ghastly smell that you possess?" asks the white one. "Not to say that _you_ stink, but you have something that does."

It must be my chew. My tail starts wagging just thinking about it. "That's my chew! I love it." How can they say it stinks? Smells great to me. It's not even here; I left it in the thingy.

"Hmm, well, there's no accounting for taste, I guess." Now the white one makes a laughing noise.

Oh, guess it's time to get back in the thingy. "Bye! Thank you for pulling us."

"Oh, such a well-behaved animal that is," I hear the brown one say behind me. Now that is a nice thing to say. Wish the giant would do that sometimes.

~*|'-'|*~

The darkspawn! They attacked us. I hate them. They're mean, ugly and smelly. Some of the humans are dead now. Poor humans. Now Tin Can is sad. Firefur is back though! Yay! I missed him. His smell, mostly. Still won't pull his cart. Where is my lady? There she is. I need help. My ear is hurt. "Lady, lady!"

"Aw, there is my sweet boy!" she says. Always so nice. "Have you killed a lot of nasty darkspawn, hm?"

"Yes!" Hundreds! Maybe not that many.

"Are you hurt?" The lady really loves me. Always worried for good old Stubbs.

I show her my ear. "Yes, lady, look." One of them hurts a lot. Blood is not funny if it is your own.

"Poor baby." She pats my head. "I will stitch it for you and then you'll be good as new."

"No!" Stitches hurt. No stitches. "I want that thing you do for Tin Can, when there's light and then suddenly it's better." I lick her hand. "Please?" Yay! She knows the thing I mean. But she has to clean my ear first. Fork. It stings. I know it must be done. Doesn't hurt less. The thing! It's done. Feels good. I love the lady. "Thank you, lady. I love you." I rub my face against her belly. Soft. "Love you lots." I wish she could understand me. But I know she loves me too. The lady is my best friend. I think I'll get my chew now. I deserve it.

~*|'-'|*~

There is something wrong with the lady. I don't know where she is, but I can feel it. She is sad. What could it be? Is it Stick? I miss Stick too. He was so nice and his treats were awesome. Or is it Tin Can and Pointy Ears being all weird? They better not be mean to her. Or maybe it's the giant being mean. He can be that way. There she is, by the fire!

No. Nuh-uh. I can't believe it. Is this real? Really? Is the giant really hugging my lady? I don't even... He is being so nice to her. Maybe he doesn't like all the others. And me. Why not? I'm great.

"Typical." Angry female's voice. Sounds like it's by my feet. Weird. "I try and I try and I try, but _she_ might be the one accomplishing my goal."

"Angry female?" It's her, but she looks different. Small and furry. A cat. "You can be a cat too?"

She licks her paw. "Certainly. 'Tis exceptionally suitable for spying."

"Cats are cute, but they smell weird." I look at the lady and the giant again. "I still can't believe it."

"Neither can I." Angry female cleans behind her ear, her voice angry. "What does he see in her? What does she have that I do not?"

Beats me. They're both female. Both want to mate. The lady is nicer, but I better not say that. "I don't know, angry female." Everything is safe. I'll go to my sleeping place now. "It's all a giant mystery."


End file.
